First of all, this is a little ballsy of me because I'm currently writing this while sitting at my desk at work. I work as a Financial Analyst Intern at an ECommerce company, so boring, I know. But there is definitely no shortage of fucking weirdos here, which at least keeps things interesting.
The most annoying of the weirdos I work with is a recent graduate from North Los Angeles University, or something depressing like that. When he first arrived I was told to basically give him the low down on how everything works. He was so attentive and kept asking questions. At first I thought, wow, he's really interested in what I'm saying, maybe this bullshit I'm spitting actually sounds smart. But then I realized he was just a fucking freak. He literally wanted me to break down every little detail of how this company operates, as if I built this whole organization from the ground up. No sir, I am merely an intern who does about an hour of work per day and then goes on Tosh.0's blog and Facebook for the rest of the time. This guy was like the permanent question master. I felt like I was constantly being interviewed on every mundane detail of my life. Here's an example of a conversation we had:
Him: What color are your eyes?
Me: Green
Him: What color are your parents' eyes?
Me: My mom's are brown and my dad's are blue
Him: Where's your mom from originally?
Me: San Diego
Him: Where are her parents from?
Me: Alaska and Texas
I kid you not, this is real.
Him: Are you smart?
Me: I guess?
Him: Like, do you get straight As?
Me: No, not always
Him: Like what was your GPA?
Me: umm.. 3.8 (hate talking about grades)
Him: Were you valedictorian in high school?
Me: No...
Him: Did you play any sports in Oakland?
Me: You mean like in high school?
Him: Yeah, for your school.
Me: Yeah, I played tennis.
Him: Were you good?
Me: Yeah I guess...
Him: Is tennis hard?
Me: Yeah it's frustrating at first
Him: Do you have to be tall to play?
Me: No (I'm 5'4"...)
Him: Does the ball just go on either side of you?
Me: No, sometimes people lob it over your head. (HUGE mistake, this led to about 400 more questions about how to play tennis)
As you can see, he just keeps going! I worked with him for two days and he asked me my GPA three times. The most annoying thing he asked though was one particular question. I normally get off work at 6pm but one time I left at 5:50pm. As soon as I stood up, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning and he said, "You're leaving early?!". Yeah, no shit I'm leaving early, I fucking hate my job. As I left, his eyes and condescending look followed me all the way out of the room. The next day, one of the other girls told me when I left he shook his head and said, "Can you believe her??". Oh sorry question master! Because I care so much about what you think and I just want you to like me and ask me questions all day... yeah fucking right...
Anyways, he only worked there for 2 weeks and then he disappeared. Either someone finally snapped and killed him or he was an interviewer sent from the future to get my life story and then bounce. Either way, he left at a perfect time because I was about two questions away from wringing his neck and I really don't need that on my record.
By the way here's a link to Tosh.0 or Daniel Tosh's blog. This is literally the only way I survive working full time. I would die to write jokes for him... or just to be his best friend.
Tosh.0 Blog
http://tosh.comedycentral.com/blog/
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